Monday, April 6, 2009
♥ Gosh ._.
Look bloggie, It's like 5am now and im still wide awake.. If you asked me, why ? You should know. ._. I'm sick of all this shit really and i don't think i'll have the strength to really carry on right now. God why am i going through all this. I can't even sleep peacefully, stupid body.
It's been like 3 days since we've last spoke to each other, Both shawn and me. Really like little kids heh? Yea i know. But i can't help it. I don't know what i'm supposed to say to him anymore. Might probably get him all mad again which i clearly don't want it to happen. Silence is golden and it's so true not to everyone.. But to me. Everyone has different opinions, thinkings and mindsets of their own and of course, you can't control one's feelings and emotions. It's best to leave it at least thats what i thought. To confront means making matters even worse and i clearly don't believe that confronting each other will clearly help things out. It's impossible for everyone to like you as a person and of course it's impossible to control how one may feel against you. Arguements are inevitable in daily lives all these i know. But yet, stupid stuffs still happen and you know what bloggie? I'm clearly sick of all this. I just wanna lead a peaceful and healthy life.. but like i said it doesn't apply to me.
Thinking back of all those arguements we've had ever since we've got together, i realised how childish and unreasonable we both were. But still we held on for the sake of believing in this relationship hoping that it will last, but as the saying goes, nothing lasts forever. To have loved is better then never to have loved at all. Not used to being alone for this past few days, but i believed gradually i'll be able to get used to it and move on towards my dream to achieve my goals.
I always remind myself that whatever people say it won't be able to affect me easily. But the weak me is so wrong. Every word he said clearly imprinted themselves in my heart and it's painful at times.. sweet at times.. agitating at times .. confusing at times.. I wonder just how much harm can words do at times. People always say actions speak louder than words.. But i doubt so.
It's getting rather "early" now.. My brother is already awake getting ready to go back to he's camp and he looked so tired that it pains my heart. My granny ? She's not getting any better.. but at least her condition stablized and im really glad and thankful that my prayers had worked. For now, i just don't wanna think of anything, just looking after her and my family will be my 100% attention. Besides, i don't think i have the extra energy to actuallly make myself even more upset after all these things happened. -pulls hair- arghh i'm clearly going insane. But after speaking to you bloggie i feel much better. Though u can't speak to me.. But at least you listen .. and thats what i really need.. a listening ear. Thank you bloggie.. *pats*
It's been like 3 days since we've last spoke to each other, Both shawn and me. Really like little kids heh? Yea i know. But i can't help it. I don't know what i'm supposed to say to him anymore. Might probably get him all mad again which i clearly don't want it to happen. Silence is golden and it's so true not to everyone.. But to me. Everyone has different opinions, thinkings and mindsets of their own and of course, you can't control one's feelings and emotions. It's best to leave it at least thats what i thought. To confront means making matters even worse and i clearly don't believe that confronting each other will clearly help things out. It's impossible for everyone to like you as a person and of course it's impossible to control how one may feel against you. Arguements are inevitable in daily lives all these i know. But yet, stupid stuffs still happen and you know what bloggie? I'm clearly sick of all this. I just wanna lead a peaceful and healthy life.. but like i said it doesn't apply to me.
Thinking back of all those arguements we've had ever since we've got together, i realised how childish and unreasonable we both were. But still we held on for the sake of believing in this relationship hoping that it will last, but as the saying goes, nothing lasts forever. To have loved is better then never to have loved at all. Not used to being alone for this past few days, but i believed gradually i'll be able to get used to it and move on towards my dream to achieve my goals.
I always remind myself that whatever people say it won't be able to affect me easily. But the weak me is so wrong. Every word he said clearly imprinted themselves in my heart and it's painful at times.. sweet at times.. agitating at times .. confusing at times.. I wonder just how much harm can words do at times. People always say actions speak louder than words.. But i doubt so.
It's getting rather "early" now.. My brother is already awake getting ready to go back to he's camp and he looked so tired that it pains my heart. My granny ? She's not getting any better.. but at least her condition stablized and im really glad and thankful that my prayers had worked. For now, i just don't wanna think of anything, just looking after her and my family will be my 100% attention. Besides, i don't think i have the extra energy to actuallly make myself even more upset after all these things happened. -pulls hair- arghh i'm clearly going insane. But after speaking to you bloggie i feel much better. Though u can't speak to me.. But at least you listen .. and thats what i really need.. a listening ear. Thank you bloggie.. *pats*
Don't wanna think,
Don't wanna admit,
Don't wanna face it.
You may say i'm being timid, being stupid,
advoiding and hiding at the same time.
U'll probably think that your not needed,
But thats just your thinking.
That's just you being angry and being disappointed at what?
Is it so hard just to love simply and not have that many expectations of the other part.
I guess it's hard..
I've did my best, tried to change, tried to make myself turn into what you want me to be.
But you know what, It's tiring to change into an entiring different person and faking everything.
To wear things that i myself am not used to, To do stuffs that i'm not really eager into doing it.
To be someone that your not used to, so strange that even when i peered into the mirror ,
i don't recognise myself anymore.
But that's just what i'm thinking,
You have thoughts of your own.
So do i.
Assuming stuffs blindly ain't going to help..
Misunderstanding won't be cleared just by remaining silent and advoiding like a little child.
Thats how im behaving now, like a little child.
This love once sweet has turned bitter and cold.
Where was all the warmth i first felt i can't help but wonder.
Has it already wither? This once beautifully bloomed flower.
It pains me to think of all this really.
When i barely have any strength to carry on.
when i'm barely breathing anymore.
Don't wanna admit,
Don't wanna face it.
You may say i'm being timid, being stupid,
advoiding and hiding at the same time.
U'll probably think that your not needed,
But thats just your thinking.
That's just you being angry and being disappointed at what?
Is it so hard just to love simply and not have that many expectations of the other part.
I guess it's hard..
I've did my best, tried to change, tried to make myself turn into what you want me to be.
But you know what, It's tiring to change into an entiring different person and faking everything.
To wear things that i myself am not used to, To do stuffs that i'm not really eager into doing it.
To be someone that your not used to, so strange that even when i peered into the mirror ,
i don't recognise myself anymore.
But that's just what i'm thinking,
You have thoughts of your own.
So do i.
Assuming stuffs blindly ain't going to help..
Misunderstanding won't be cleared just by remaining silent and advoiding like a little child.
Thats how im behaving now, like a little child.
This love once sweet has turned bitter and cold.
Where was all the warmth i first felt i can't help but wonder.
Has it already wither? This once beautifully bloomed flower.
It pains me to think of all this really.
When i barely have any strength to carry on.
when i'm barely breathing anymore.
4:56:00 AM
