Friday, February 6, 2009

Finally after working for 6 days straight in a row, i finally get to rest and spend my off day... alone. Of course, you of all people should know bloggie how much i wanna spend my day off with buei buei..(I guess i should stop calling him that since he already gave up). I woke up at 1pm today and tried calling him, he answered but sound reluctant to speak to me. He said he's still at Azure and won't be going home later which means that, he don't wanna go home.. he's still mad.. about yesterday .. After i tried explaining to him that i didn't do it on purpose.. and it's not that i don't intend to help him.. Of course i will help him after my boss went away. But.. still.. sigh. My fault for sounding so bad on the phone when he called me for help.. But, i really didnt mean anything.. I'm just so upset about the confrontation.. and it's entirely not my fault .. those customers.. just wanna frame me..how i treated them in the earlier days. So end up they won't quit complaining to my boss.. even when i've already changed my attitude towards them. But hey.. I can't do anything right now.. Because words come out of them, though my boss didn't see but he still believed them. Anyways..I just have to pray hard now.. cause i might be booted off any second.

So, After i called him .. and found out that shawn doesn't really want to see me. today.. which is my off day.. I feel so frustrated.. really frustrated.. that i blew up and quarrel with my granny.. which is of course.. My fault.. But i just couldn't control.. and at about 5pm ++ i was really fed up with my granny and about all the stuffs that i just stomped out of the house and went downstairs for a meal.. Came home at about 6.30pm .. and went straight into my room slamming the door behind me. My granny of course pounded on the door and scolded me straight yelling away but i just ignored her and asked her to fuck off and leave me alone.. Phone kept ringing .. i don't give a damn... and i heard her asking my brother that whoever called to find me tell them i'm fucking not at home. "This kind of people better leave the house, bring disgrace to the family only. Come home and show attitude think she is the boss of the house. Just by giving the house a mere 400 she thinks she owns the house. " She ranted in Hokkien. WELL GO AHEAD AND FUCKING SCOLD ME I DON"T FUCKING CARE. I know it's my fault and i shouldn't blow up at her.. But why must she be so sarcastic and kept pointing faults at me when it's entirely my brothers fault saying what " YOUR THE BIG SISTER YOU SHOULD DO YOUR PART. YOUR BROTHER IS LIKE THAT ONLY BECAUSE HE LEARN HE'S DISGUSTING WAYS FROM YOU." Fuck it.. seriously.. i did nothing.. I nv steal anything in my whole entire life.. and how the hell he learnt stealing other ppl's stuffs from me.. FUCK I JUST WANNA GIVE UP AND DIE SO BAD AT TIMES. Just when i feel i should be giving more love to my grandmother she has to say that to me. CRAP EVERYTHING IS JUST AWFULLY WRONG. Sometimes i really don't wanna give half of my earnings to the household.. cause eventually my grandmother will just be giving them all to my brother.. So you can see why i always skip my therapies. HOW CAN I FUCKING GO WHEN I HAVE SO MUCH STUFFS TO HANDLE AT HOME.. but again.. It's my duty .. so .. GO TO HELL I ACCEPT MY FATE.

Now that she's asleep .. i came out and typed this shit thing in you bloggie.. I DON"T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE... SERIOUSLY I"M FED UP! .. DUH! LIFE SUCKS TERRIBLY... Where's that ray of light ?? I thought i held it securely in my hand... Yet again.. it's a mere illusion.. Is our relation that seriously weak?? That we had to argue because of pointless things.. It's not that i havent tried my best to explain and apologise.. i did but.. sigh.. perhaps he is tired.. way tired..