Friday, January 16, 2009

A few days has passed since i've last wrote in you bloggie. Chinese new year is around the corner.. And i'm looking forward to it.. Since it may be the last reunion dinner i can have together with my brothers and .. granny .. I definately hope that next year she will still be around, but.. sigh ...

Yesterday's my off day, and both me and buei buei spent a little too much time on sleeping.. End up reaching he's home at around 8.25pm..which is late already. I didnt get to see him the day before, so i was really happy to see him earlier on. And we watch a few tv proggrames before setting off to balestier to eat the famous curry rice. But yet again we ordered a little too much and end up being all bloated again.

Headed to Azure after our meal and i played a round of dota with my buei buei and another 4 friends. Things didnt go well , mainly because we got 2 girls who's quite new in dota and of course.. me and the other wasn't really that good also.. We lost the match, and buei buei was fed up with all of us. Things got ugly after the match.. I dont really wanna say what happened.. But i felt extremely upset and heart broken .. I knew he's feeling agitated.. so i went and intend to sayang him abit.. but .. sigh.. i guess i spoke at the wrong time.. He said i asked for it when i knew he's angry and he will scold me.. but.. anyway.. i was really really x100 upset.. Alot of things happened and i just want both me and buei buei to be fine.. is it so difficult.. just a game and can make us both so unhappy .. I tried to control my temper too.. Just want to console him and make him feel better after the game.. and yet .. perhaps its all my fault.. i shouldn't have speak that much .. Or better yet.. i shouldn't have played. Maybe it's better for me to advoid playing with him in the future.. i really don't wish to quarrel or argue with him.. It just makes me feel so awful inside.. I tried to control my tears but it still came out.. I hate crying infront of ppl really .. And i feel so stupid that i was actually crying.. But i wasn't crying because i lost the game.. i cried because he misunderstand my intention when i tried to make up things with him. I knew i did badly... i told him i tried my best and my buei buei blew up at me T_T .. I dont wish to stay after crying ..i wanna hide so bad.. but .. he insist that i stay or don't look for him the next time. .. i feel even more upset.. almost cant breathe at all.. but i stayed .. because i can't afford to not look for him again.. He's like.. everything to me.. i tried to change tried to control .. but stupid stuffs still happen between him and me.. IS IT SO HARD ?? T_T ..

So many stuffs troubling mee.. whether it's family stuffs or financial stuffs , it's definately driving me crazy .. and yet i can feel at ease and feel secure whenever my buei buei's around me.. But sometimes, things got ugly and i feel that maybe i'm not that important.. when i thought i'm supposed to be to him. I dunno .. maybe i'm thinking a little too much .. way too much ..

Usual prayers.. GOD if your listening.. please.. Watch over my buei buei and he's family and my family members too. Goodnight Bloggie .. Signing off.