Wednesday, October 1, 2008
♥ The Second & The Last..
It's been the fourth day that we're back together again. Things went exceptionally well between the both of us. I've never ever felt like this really. Perhaps it's because of the stuffs that both of us went through that made us realise the importance of us being together. He's behaviour and attitude towards me totally changed. He's been extra careful with the words he used and being extra gentle towards me too. All of he's attention seemed to be fixed on me and i can almost feel that yes i'm the most important person in he's life. Perhaps it's all my illusion but i just can't be bothered. All the missing pieces of my shattered heart seemed to come back and piece themselves together in a slow yet steady pace.
Was playing DotA again this few days during working hours and i was amazed and disappointed with my performance. It seems that playing DotA for almost 5 yrs was simply for nothing. Instead of improving, I became much worse than usual. I've seen and learnt alot of tactics for these 5 years and yet i wasn't able to use or be of help to any of my team mates earlier on when playing with Shawn and a few of he's friends. Perhaps i'm tired and i can't concentrate, But still that's no excuse. The frown on Shawn's face made me upset and i felt really shameful cause i was nothing but a mere burden to them. He tried he's best to farm and yet we lost a couple of games. I understand how he felt because it's annoying when your trying your very best to farm and win the game and your team mates end up playing around, doing stupid stuffs and not being serious at all. I really need to brush up my skills again = =" .. Wonder what's wrong with me. Awareness used to be my main strong point in this game, but earlier on i was totally lost. Sigh.. He said that if he continued playing with us, he's standard will most probably drop like hell. It hurts but sadly, it's a fact. In this game, you'll only learn and improve if you face tough opponents because that's where you'll learn and improve yourself. Why am i blabbering so much about this = =" Beats me really..
It's almost 4am and raining now, but strangely i just can't seem to fall asleep. Perhaps it's the pain i'm having but it's not such a big deal as i'm used to it. Missed therapy appointments for 3 months already. I know i ought to go for it but then, i hate that place and i don't really think it's useful anyway. Since you can't cure it why bother spending that much money on it and suffering that much during that 3 hrs session. I don't know but it just don't seem right for me.
Time is catching up for me.. How much can one accomplish in 7 years i wonder. Targets and Goals in life, everyone has them. But not for me, cause i know i don't have that authority and i'm not allowed to have them. I don't even dare to think of what i wanna be and what i wanna do in my life. Since it's short, then i'll live the best out of my every day lifes. No regrets, No remorse.. That's all i'm asking for.
Well, i do have one wish.. to everyone who are close to me, to be happy, healthy and will always remember me. Night Bloggie <3
Was playing DotA again this few days during working hours and i was amazed and disappointed with my performance. It seems that playing DotA for almost 5 yrs was simply for nothing. Instead of improving, I became much worse than usual. I've seen and learnt alot of tactics for these 5 years and yet i wasn't able to use or be of help to any of my team mates earlier on when playing with Shawn and a few of he's friends. Perhaps i'm tired and i can't concentrate, But still that's no excuse. The frown on Shawn's face made me upset and i felt really shameful cause i was nothing but a mere burden to them. He tried he's best to farm and yet we lost a couple of games. I understand how he felt because it's annoying when your trying your very best to farm and win the game and your team mates end up playing around, doing stupid stuffs and not being serious at all. I really need to brush up my skills again = =" .. Wonder what's wrong with me. Awareness used to be my main strong point in this game, but earlier on i was totally lost. Sigh.. He said that if he continued playing with us, he's standard will most probably drop like hell. It hurts but sadly, it's a fact. In this game, you'll only learn and improve if you face tough opponents because that's where you'll learn and improve yourself. Why am i blabbering so much about this = =" Beats me really..
It's almost 4am and raining now, but strangely i just can't seem to fall asleep. Perhaps it's the pain i'm having but it's not such a big deal as i'm used to it. Missed therapy appointments for 3 months already. I know i ought to go for it but then, i hate that place and i don't really think it's useful anyway. Since you can't cure it why bother spending that much money on it and suffering that much during that 3 hrs session. I don't know but it just don't seem right for me.
Time is catching up for me.. How much can one accomplish in 7 years i wonder. Targets and Goals in life, everyone has them. But not for me, cause i know i don't have that authority and i'm not allowed to have them. I don't even dare to think of what i wanna be and what i wanna do in my life. Since it's short, then i'll live the best out of my every day lifes. No regrets, No remorse.. That's all i'm asking for.
Well, i do have one wish.. to everyone who are close to me, to be happy, healthy and will always remember me. Night Bloggie <3
3:12:00 AM
