Friday, September 26, 2008

Weak Minded. That's what i would describe myself.. Maybe i'm just a person who is easily manipulated, i dunno. But all i know is, Though i said that i'll forget, i'll bury, but i can't really do it. He started talking to me and though i was still hurt about what had happened, i just can't seem to really ignore him at all. You can say i'm silly after what he had did but.. i just can't stop myself.

He told me various reasons as to why he acted like that in the past. Seriously, the reasons don't matter a single thing to me at all. What's important is the place i'm standing in he's heart. I seriously don't really blame him. I just couldn't understand why did our relationship got shaken because of stuffs like that. I held high hopes, I loved him so much that i can almost do everything for him as long as he's happy. I tried, But you know trying needs time too. Things can't change or won't happen in a blink of an eye.

Again we spoke on msn yesterday night. I spent the entire of my off day sleeping. Was too tired, really exhausted. Whether it's in the areas of mind or body, i totally just don't have any strength left to really move on. The way he spoke seems like he's really apologetic and most importantly, i can feel that he really do love me alot. It seems that he's going through tough times now. He said that he realized that those stuffs ain't important afterall and that it's me that he needs. You may say i'm foolish, i'm blind and silly. I tried not to think about it. Physically i can control myself not to reply he's messages. But deep inside of me i really want to know why and how he felt about it. Without realizing, end up talking back to him. I've already made my decision, and i don't care whether it's my illusion or not. I just wanna try again. And this time if the ending is still the same, He's not to be blame, For it's me that has given both of us a chance to amend things.

This time again, I'm trying my best to climb out of the dark pit trying to reach for that ray of light that once seems to be fading but now shining as brightly as before again. And this time round, i wish.. and i pray .. I'll finally be free.. spending the short duration of the rest of my life .. with that ray of dancing light. If things didn't turn out like how i expected and i fell, i'll acknowledge that i'm really meant to be alone .. and will thus never ever unlock the path to my heart and soul ever again..This i swear